Your questions are many, and your actions are few. Confusion, perhaps. The road is filled with choices, and one must choose which way is important on more than one level, yes?
First, you are a human–and your existence has needs, daily needs. So, we suggest to you to take care of your human now–and that much more spiritual knowledge and nurturing will pour from the Heavens. Quickly, both of you will change–the physical and the spiritual as you like to name those parts of yourself.
Change comes quickly when you love yourself by taking care of yourself. You have a desired self-image–know it again–now!